The caregiving experience is complex and challenging and one of the most common reactions to it is frustration. There are so many valid reasons for frustration. Those we love can be uncomfortable or frightened and therefore difficult to be with, facilities may be understaffed and overworked and therefore less than accommodating and the general daily list of details to arrange can be overwhelming and seemingly unmanageable.
Frustration comes with the Caregiver Warrior territory.
Dealing with caregiver frustration is a major issue and one that needs to be addressed. Frustration stresses us out, makes the long to-do list longer and strains our personal relationships. We can alienate those around us by letting frustration cause us to act out and close us down.
I came up with a few things that helped me “get a grip”, as my Mom would say when I was at a boiling point.
1. Take your emotional temperature every day, all day.
Staying in touch with how you are feeling can help you avoid the emotional breaking point. When we are frustrated we tense up physically, lose our sense of humor, start judging everybody and everything and feel like we can’t get anything done because the world is against us. If we are aware of our state of mind and these things starting to happen we can take actions to break the trend and keep from exploding.
2. HALT
Once we feel the warning signs and the tension building we must HALT. If we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, we must stop and eat something healthy, take a few breaths and take a break to calm down, reach out to someone who loves and gets us, and get some rest. Chances are we have neglected ourselves and our emotional and physical bank accounts are empty and we need to fill them back up again.
3. Don’t feel guilty.
Most importantly, it’s one thing to get overwhelmed and frustrated and another to beat ourselves up about it. Frustration is part of the territory and a very normal reaction. What is needed are the practices and skills to alleviate and hopefully avoid some of the stress and tension that creates frustration. Focus your attention on honing those skills and taking good care of yourself, not feeling bad about yourself for being human. If you become frustrated simply pledge to take better care of yourself next time so you are not so susceptible.
You are not alone. Every caregiver feels and knows frustration. Accept that you are human and you are doing the absolute best you can, every day. Keep the faith and know that this too shall pass.
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