sI have the best dermatologist ever. I just did my annual body scan for abnormalities (my Dad had a few precancerous scares so I’m diligent about getting checked) and was reminded once again why I love her so much.
Not only is she kind and confident, she also walks me through everything. I had a mole that needed to be removed and she explained each and every part of the procedure so I knew exactly what she was doing. This took my anxiety and concern level way down. It not only distracted me because I was paying very close attention to what she was telling me, but it also took the mystery out of what was happening. It really made the whole experience more comfortable.
This is how medical examinations and procedures should happen. And she is a perfect example of how doctors should behave. Everyone is entitled to feeling comfortable, safe and prepared.
Not everyone is the same, however, we are all unique individuals, and sadly not all doctors possess this style or even personality. Most people in the healthcare industry do have a great desire to care for others and take an oath to do their utmost to promote healing. But doctors are human, and not all have a great bedside manner or possess charming, gentle, forthcoming personalities. Some are even abrupt and cold.
My Dad’s heart surgeon was like that. Arrogant, abrupt and even obnoxious. He was, however, brilliant and got my Dad through open heart surgery at 87 like a champion. I will be forever grateful to him. I did tell him I would come after him if he hurt my Dad (because I too can be obnoxious) and after Pop’s surgery told him he was off the hook. He, in turn, did tell me after the surgery that he was concerned operating on my Dad due to his age but was so glad he did and so happy with the results.
We put up with each other, this doctor and I because in that situation he was the best doctor for the job. I actually wanted someone that self-assured for my Dad. I knew he wouldn’t second guess himself about any decision he would have to make should something go wrong. So in that particular case, I chose brilliance and ego over bedside manner and communication. It then became my job to pound him with questions to get the info out of him.
In most other situations, I demanded clarity, kindness, patience, and information. If a doctor didn’t possess most of these qualities, I fired them and moved on when the situation allowed it. If I was stuck with doctors like my I was with my parents GP because my Mom adored him and was always happy to go see him, I refused to let them off the hook. I made sure all my questions were answered and they addressed every single need we had and tied it with a ribbon.
Fortunately, I learned early on I was entitled not only to information but to having my questions answered and undivided attention during an appointment. It was fair to demand that my parents were not written off because they were considered elderly. It was also fair to expect to have all of us to work as a team. It was fair to ensure the best outcome for my parents whether that was figuring out the next level of care or knowing when to leave well enough alone and make them as comfortable as possible.
I don’t love every doctor like I love my dermatologist, but on the whole, I have great doctors who have great bedside manners and are kind and caring. Knowing that I am entitled to ask questions, and I deserve to have all the information I need has helped me pick and choose doctors I feel great about and like a lot. It took me 3 visits to 3 different eye doctors to find one that I trusted and felt comfortable with. When I finally found my current doctor, he immediately explained an issue I was having that the previous 2 never quite communicated clearly. I felt instant relief.
We are entitled to feel trust and relief when dealing with a health care professional. It’s their job to make us feel supported and safe while we are in their care. So get what you deserve. Ask questions. Demand answers. You are entitled to information and the best care. Expect kindness, empathy, patience, and participation. If you don’t get any of these important attributes from your healthcare professional and it’s possible, move on and find one who works for you. You and those you care for are worth it.
I know that.