The Rules Of Caregiving

Here are the rules for caregivers. They are simple and probably not what you expected but if you follow them closely they will help you survive your extraordinary caregiving journey with grace and empowerment.
1. Self Care
This is number one for a reason. Caregivers so often put themselves last and those they care for first. That’s the wrong order and needs to be the first thing that gets established in the caregiving journey. We all know the oxygen mask instructions in case of an emergency in an airplane. Put your mask on first and then on the people or children around you. You can’t help anyone if you can’t breathe. This applies directly to caregiving. Make sure you are rested, eating healthy meals and snacks, exercising, and taking a breather when you need one. Self care must be a priority. If you get sick, exhausted or overwhelmed who will care for those you love?
2. Ask for help
Second on this list is that you must learn to ask for help. You cannot do it all alone. Just because you need help, it doesn’t mean you are incapable or a bad caregiver. It takes a village to take care of someone and any one who has ever been a caregiver knows the most important thing they have learned from their experience is to reach out and ask for help. So many of us jump in and have the expectation we can handle it all. I’m here to tell you none of us can. So often there are people just waiting to help out but don’t know how. Tell them what you need or what they can do, even if it’s giving you 30 minutes of their time so you can take a break.
3. Build a team
Which brings us to putting together a group of trusted family, friends, and professionals that support you and you can count on. Have a list of people you can call to jump in and take over for a while, help you shop, offer transportation, cook you meals and most importantly lend a shoulder to cry on. Be honest and open about what type of help you need and find out who is willing and able to help you fulfill those needs. Make an actual list of family and friends complete with their phone numbers who are available to help you and post it so you can see and use it. We easily dismiss or forget that we have others to lean on, so having a list where we can see reminds us that help is a phone call away.
4. Keep your sense of humor
Once of the hardest things to do as a caregiver is to hold on to your sense of humor. It can be as challenging as the situations we face. However, there is nothing like a good laugh. Keep people around that make you laugh, watch goofy movies or YouTube, and realize how silly it is to get worried and upset. It’s so much better to see the funny side of it all. The best times I had with my parents were the times we broke through the stress and worry and laughed at the absurdity of it all.
5. Don’t put your life on hold
Whatever you do, never give up the things you love.  If there is something that gives you joy you must find time to enjoy it. Do not get swallowed up by everyone else’s life and needs. They most certainly don’t want you to do that and your heart and soul doesn’t want you to do it either. Carve out “me” time for yourself. If you insist upon it, it will happen. The world will not stop and you will be a better caregiver because if it. When we are fulfilled, we are calmer, more patient and serene.
6. Have faith
When we serve others the universe notices. Even in the darkest hours, we must believe it is all happening for a reason and in the long run, it all works out. You are in the right place at the right time, you are enough, you do enough, you have enough. Whenever I felt I couldn’t go on, something shifted and amazing things happened. Don’t quit before the miracle. You are an angel walking on the earth.
Follow these rules carefully. These are not guidelines for the actual job of caregiving but rules to follow to protect, soothe, and comfort you and successfully manage this amazing journey you have chosen to take. They will allow you peace and strength when you need it and courage to carry on. I wish you the safest and easiest of journeys.