Keeping the peace between siblings while caregiving a family member can be very difficult. When one sibling steps forward as is usually the case, it’s almost guaranteed that the rest of the siblings will feel the need to micro-manage. Whether it’s due an honest sense of responsibility, feelings of guilt that they are not doing enough or just simply the act of playing out old family history and roles, this behavior by the rest of the “kids” can make being the caregiver in the driver’s seat feel like torture.
Being the decision-maker is never easy but when we are seconded guessed, constantly questioned or met with resistance from the rest of the family, our job becomes unnecessarily uncomfortable. We can become resentful and thrown off our game. Accepting the fact that this is all part of the territory when caregiving a family member is the first step to realizing this is not about you or your fault. The next step is providing your family with ways to avoid this sibling rivalry and discord. I found the following three tips can provide powerful ways to keep the peace between the main caregiver and the remaining siblings.
- Communication
- Have family meetings
- Add an outsider.
It would make things so much easier if the parents would go ahead and make all their wishes known to all members. It would keep one child from being blamed for ‘influencing’ the parents and there would be no backbiting and hard feelings, hopefully. Bringing in a disinterested party is a good idea – the problem is that if one child hires someone, then the other will say that the person will take the other child’s side. It’s a mess.
Sadly it can be a mess. I wish everyone would make their wishes known so the main caregiver is supported and appreciated.