Caregiver Warrior
When we were researching post surgery rehabilitation facilities for my Father we opted for one that was close to my parents apartment so traveling back and forth would be easy. We didn’t have the need for a dementia ward although they did have one which I made a note of for the future for my Mom. They also had what seemed to be a good physical therapy staff and program (which he needed as part of his recovery from the operation) and it seemed clean and cheerful. The staff seemed kind and capable. There was a library and restaurant because it was an assisted living apartment complex with even a barber on certain week days. The rehab and senior facilities were in an older building in the complex and at first I was put off by the fact that it was not a spanking brand new building. However, there was a doctor on call everyday and this was more important to me than brand new decor. As it turned out we had my Dad in this facility twice. Once after his open heart surgery and again right before he passed from a blood infection 2 years later. He actually passed away in this facility at the crack of dawn in the morning and they handled the situation with care and grace. The nurse even went so far as to describe to me that he left in his sleep and he was relaxed and calm when it happened. Needless to say the comfort from that conversation stays with me to this day. My Mom who was failing at the time of his passing got really sick due to the shock, stress and a broken heart. We had to hospitalize her the day after his funeral. Once they had her relatively stable they wanted to release her. Having been through this hospital stay experience before I knew she was entitled to a stay in a rehabilitation faculty just as my Dad was through Medicare. Her doctors agreed since she had been bedridden for quite a few days and needed to be observed to see if she would respond. In finding a rehabilitation facility for my Mom we ran into trouble. A doctor in the hospital had appraised my Mother and had taken her off one of her medications without notifying me and because of that due to her extraordinary grief, stress and shock she had become extremely agitated the first night she was in the hospital. My sister had to stay up with her all night. The night nursing staff were not very understanding and they wrote her up as being difficult to manage on her medical records. So as we began to look for facilities for her our options became limited. The familiar facility we used for my Dad would not take her. We had to find a facility with a dementia ward that felt comfortable with her reported behavior. As exhausted, concerned and deeply in grief as we were this added challenge felt insurmountable. We took a deep breath and carried on. The strength that comes in times like these is part of the mystery of caregiving. We found a way somehow to move forward and in looking back now we wonder how we did it. There was a social worker assigned to my Mom’s case in the hospital that we turned to for help. Make note of this! There are hospital social workers assigned to patients who are admitted into the hospital and in most cases are invaluable in helping families with issues such as these in addition to counseling and arranging things like in home visiting nurses and home care instruction. Our social worker knew a facility that was relatively close to my Mom’s apartment and they had a bed available. When my sister went and checked out the facility she felt comfortable with it. It seemed clean and the staff competent and caring. In addition, the doctor that treated my Mom in the hospital did rounds in this facility so he and his staff knew her and were familiar with her medical issues. This would prove invaluable in the future when my Mom was hospitalized again a few weeks later. This facility turned out to be the right choice for my Mom In the long run. We had some rough days until everyone was on the same page but as she neared her death and required hospice, the team came together with me and we were able to make my Mom as comfortable as possible. I think the most important point I want to stress about this situation is that you must investigate numerous facilities, have a list of criteria that must be met such as cleanliness, professional and caring staff, services such as physical therapy and dementia facilities, recreational activities, physician availability on call, special services for those wounded in combat and health insurance requirements. You must consider your needs as well as your loved ones since you will be their champion. No one will watch over them like you do. Your are their voice. So you must feel a connection with the staff and management because open and clear communication is absolutely necessary. You have to be as comfortable as your loved one and having a solid connection to the staff will insure comfort for both of you. If the stay will be a long one get really clear information about finances, payment and insurance. Most insurance, government programs, Medicare and Medicaid have a limit on the length of stay and you may be responsible for paying for the remainder. You must have this financial conversation with the administrative management. Being vague about it can be disastrous. Your ducks must be in a row. You don’t want them sending your loved one home early or refusing to keep them because there is no payment for their stay or insurance problems arise. Oftentimes the management can help you through this process and make suggestions. In addition, I think it’s a good idea to check and see if they have dementia facilities or a resident social worker or psychologist available because sadly, hospital stays can be draining and upsetting and can cause confusion and disorientation. It would be extremely helpful for them to have that added support while they are recuperating. You want to be sure the facility can handle any changes your loved one may experience. You want to avoid any additional moves to other facilities or floors since familiarity is often the key to a quick recovery or at least a less agitated state. Finally, lean on angels. So much of this process is frightening and frustrating and sometimes the only thing I could do was take a deep breath and tell myself something bigger than me had to help me through it. By showing up and asking the universe to give me a hand to get thorough the worst if it made me feel better and things go easier. So ask for help from both earthly and heavenly angels. We cannot do these things alone. Remember when we are in our heads alone talking only to ourselves we are behind enemy lines! Ask everyone you encounter for help and suggestions and then take all the help you can get. I found most people are knowledgable and very willing to help if you ask. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness or incompetence. It means you are a good daughter, son, wife, husband, friend and Professional Caregiver Warrior and you are using any means necessary to care for yourself and those around you. Call out the angels during this stressful process! They will recognize you as one of their own and will be there for you.
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