Ok here’s a really hard one. There comes a point where we are asked to do something, be somewhere, show up or stand in and it’s simply too much and more than we can handle. It could be that it’s an inappropriate request, or we are overextended or it simply doesn’t feel right. We are faced with an uncomfortable challenge. We need to say no.
Given our desire to care for about those around us and our commitment to others, saying no can be painful and scary even though it’s the right thing to do. Most of us are people pleasers and don’t want to offend anyone or make someone feel rejected. Although we all want to be agreeable, we must stand up for ourselves at times like these. Ignoring the need to say no directly impacts our health and well being.
Here are a few things to consider when you feel cornered and you know in your heart you have to say no to whatever is being asked of you. They may make the experience a little easier.
1. Don’t hedge. Be clear.
Hemming and hawing and leaving our answer up in the air just makes the situation worse. People think they still might have a chance to get you to say yes and if you have not set boundaries, they will push past them and keep asking. No is a complete sentence. Very few of us will bluntly just say no, however, saying something like, “I’m sorry but no, I can’t do that right now” or “no thanks” or “I can’t swing that, I have too much on my plate right now” works great. We don’t have to be rude but we also don’t have to over explain. You don’t need to make excuses. You can come up with a sentence or phrase that feels comfortable and keep it ready for the future. Being clear puts an end to the discussion.
2. Don’t put it off.
I know it’s wise sometimes to say, “let me think about it” and there is nothing wrong with sleeping on it to make sure this is a true “just say no” situation. However, if you are putting off saying no because you are afraid of what others might think, or you don’t want to disappoint someone, or you are feeling guilty, take a deep breath and take the plunge. It will be better for the person who needs to know and it will be so much easier for you to move on from the discomfort.
3. Don’t feel guilty.
Saying no does not make you a bad person. Knowing your value and understanding your limits is extremely beneficial to you and everyone around you. Saying yes when you really don’t mean it will make you feel overwhelmed resentful and angry. Who needs that? People who truly love you and want the best for you would never want to put you out or ask you to do something you are not comfortable with. Feeling guilty is not an option. Taking care of yourself is.
Remember that you are entitled to prioritize your energy, time and well being. We can’t be all things to all people and it’s extremely important that you let yourself off the hook when you need to. Saying no is a powerful and vital tool you are entitled to. Don’t be afraid to use it. You will never regret it.
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