I’m a recovering perfectionist. Trying to be perfect has haunted me most of my life. I somehow got the notion that if I was perfect everything around me would change and I would end up safe, sound and happy. This notion affected what I did and how I did it, and my entire view of the world. It has exhausted me and created chaos in my mind and life.
Somewhere along the line I got the message that to err is human and being perfect is impossible. That message, however, doesn’t always cut through all the noise in my head and to this day I can still resort to trying to do things perfectly.
I ran into real trouble with my perfectionism during my Caregiver Warrior days. The stakes were so high, and the job so serious that I resorted to believing my best wasn’t good enough and I needed to be perfect once again. The noise in my head reached unmanageable levels and I was killing myself trying to do and be someone I couldn’t possibly be. Perfectionism was making my already intensively difficult journey more exhausting and frightening. Here’s what I did to quiet this monster. I hope you find some help here to knock out your understandable but dangerous need to be perfect!
1. Question my need to be perfect
Trying to understand and see the driving force behind my need to be perfect helped me tremendously. I began asking myself what I was hoping to achieve by never letting up on myself, never thinking I was good enough, or the job I was doing was good enough. Why did I work so hard at everything? Doing a good job was one thing but never being satisfied with my results was another. I discovered that underneath it all I felt if I was perfect my life would be safe and sound and everything would be less scary. This story played in my head since childhood and motivated me to never let up on myself. This obviously wasn’t working anymore and as a caregiver, I had to find other ways to look at my life and behavior for peace and serenity. Not an easy task and it’s a process I’m still in the middle of, but well worth the effort
2. Look within
When I was motivated by my desire to please others or by worrying what others thought, it was never enough. If my purpose was dependent on the views or approval of others rather than my own needs, wants or values, I was driven to achieve unreachable goals and results. By starting to figure out what I wanted and what mattered to me and trying to only be worried about pleasing myself, I put my people pleaser hat away and didn’t push as hard.
3. Understand that mistakes are human and great teachers
My fear of making a mistake dominated my thoughts and behavior. For some reason, if I made a mistake the world would end. The truth is we are human and we all make mistakes. The world doesn’t end. And the mistake doesn’t last. When I refuse to feel shame when I make a mistake I can be free to learn the lesson and move on. When I ask what the situation taught me and allow myself to grow I embrace living a life where I show up and be curious instead of being afraid to be human.
4. Accept and celebrate who I am
No one walks the earth the way I do. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to fit in. I don’t have to prove my worth constantly. I am special and have so much to offer. When we accept ourselves simply for who we are and give ourselves credit for doing the best we can, being perfect doesn’t seem so important. We got this.
Letting up on the self-inflicted pressure I put on myself as a caregiver helped me tremendously. As the saying goes, I didn’t do it perfectly (ha) but I made progress. Acknowledging that I was always ready to give it my all helped soothe my shame and guilt. No one worked or tried harder than I did and that alone was special and important. So to my fellow perfectionists out there, I want you to remember: Progress not perfection!
0 Comments