Even thoughI’m dating myself with the above title but whatever. For those young careers out there who may be wondering what that title means (and there are so many young people caring for loved ones) the title reference is to a sweet and wonderful editorial written to a child who asked if there was a Santa Claus in 1897! The response to her letter remains today as one of the great answers of all time. The title of the editorial was “Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus”.
I paraphrase this title because I remember it from my childhood and I’m hoping to carry on the tradition of answering a huge question with something I believe to be true. Which is this: there is a master plan for everything. One we may not see, or agree with or even understand at first. However, over time, if we are lucky, we might see that this plan, is perfectly orchestrated.
I know quite a few Caregiver Warriors who have lost loved ones recently. And while the circumstances are all completely different, there is a consistent theme to all their stories. Struggling with the grief, pain, and shock that death brings they began to question not only the meaning of life but how things unfolded. Could they have done something different to change the circumstances or prolong the lives of those they lost? Did they miss something or fail to do something?
I know and understand these reactions and feelings. I too wondered if I could have kept my Dad alive if I had realized he was having a heart attack on that Sunday night when he insisted on waiting for the doctor the next day instead of going to the ER. I worried if my Mom was out of pain in hospice. Did I do enough?
As I struggled with these doubts and questions something miraculous happened. A quiet voice inside my head suggested that everything happened according to plan. I could almost hear my Mom’s voice saying that everything happens for a reason. My Dad passed unexpectedly and my Mom passed 7 weeks later. Even though it felt horrific to me, that was the way it was supposed to be and they worked in coordination with the source of all to execute that plan. I had worried for years about what would happen to the other when the first one died. I tortured myself over what would happen to my Mom if my Dad died first since she had dementia. As it turned out nothing I worried about happened. As I look back now I see it all unfolded in a good, orderly direction (GOD). This helps me feel more at peace and less responsible for things that were beyond my control.
As I look back at my life in general, and my caregiver journeys specifically, everything did unfold as it should, allowing me to make decisions (sometimes good and sometimes bad) that I always learned from when I was willing. Being a control freak by nature I will still try to control everything until it hits me (because the weight of that pressure is overwhelming) that there is a plan. If I get out of my own way, show up and do the best I can, life can be easier. Believing there is a plan doesn’t stop life on life’s terms from bringing heartbreak and challenge, but it does give a sense of purpose and hope to everything. It makes me feel like a participant rather than a victim. That feels so much better and so right. So yes, Virginia, there is a plan. Thank goodness.
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