Sarcasm Means To Tear The Flesh! | Be Patient
I grew up in a sarcastic household. Obviously, as a child, I thought everyone grew up in the same environment and everybody spoke to everyone in a mocking, passive aggressive way. At home, the tone of the voice was also used to imply displeasure or criticism even if the words themselves were not demeaning. As I ventured out into the world and discovered the diversity and difference I saw that not everyone made an attempt to tease or belittle and there was a more gentle way of communicating. I found myself more comfortable with less sarcasm and more pleasant tones. I began to work on my communication skills. It wasn’t easy but I found my relationships changed drastically the more I dropped the sarcasm and demeaning tone and had a normal conversation. I later learned that the word sarcasm can be traced back to the Greek verb sarkazein, which initially meant “to tear flesh like a dog.” That’ll tell you something! Over the years my language changed and I became more aware of what I was really trying to say and how I was saying it. My communication with my parents softened quite a bit and as I took the lead the teasing and taunting lessened. It became easier to have conversations.
Say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it mean.
When it became obvious that my Mom was showing signs of dementia, intuitively I knew to watch what I said and how I said it even more than ever. My tone alone if not loving and calm could trigger her anxiety. I saw her relax when I spoke to her with enthusiasm, kindness and authenticity. Whether you learned your communication skills in an atmosphere like mine, or you experienced more gentle and direct conversation in your home, I find most of us have learned some bad habits along the way. We often use words and tone of voice that could intimidate or irritate even when we don\’t mean to or aren\’t aware of doing it. Here are some tips I used to become aware of and change some bad communication habits so that my conversations with my Mom could be enjoyable, soothing experiences for both of us.
1. Listen to yourself. Take the time to listen to yourself in conversation. Be aware in the back of your mind of your tone of voice and whether or not your words are kind or accusatory and sarcastic. See if you are irritated or resentful when you speak. If you are grouchy or think you sound mean either have the conversation later or take a deep breath and start over.
2. Be authentic. Speak from the heart even when discussing something simple. If you are asking how someone is, mean it. Don\’t placate or condescend. Speak your truth. People can tell the difference.
3. Think of words as weapons or gifts. The saying that the word is mightier than the sword has so much truth to it and just goes to show that what we say has made a difference since the beginning of the civilized world. Words can mend or break a heart and darken or soothe the soul. Our goal as caregivers is to be as kind and compassionate as possible. Our acts show our intentions but our words calm the waters. Use your words wisely especially to those who are struggling and challenged.
4. Speak with a smile on your face and love in your heart. When you smile, your whole body shifts and communicates openness and acceptance. With a smile, your words and conversation automatically take on a pleasant energy.
5. Practice makes perfect. For a lot of us, changing the way we talk to others is not an easy transition. It takes patience, practice, and diligence. Be patient with yourself and others as you make this important change and don’t give up! It’s worth the effort. I noticed as I followed these rules especially around my Mom, all my conversations became more enjoyable. Sometimes when I was especially careful about my tone and words I would see a small miracle happen. My Mom would smile and giggle and offer her thoughts to me unexpectedly. My lead created an opening for her to relax and share. What a huge reward for a little care in watching what I said and how I said it. It meant the world to both of us.
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