So often I’m asked what advice I would have for someone just starting out as a caregiver. Where should they start? What should they know? How should they prepare?
Looking back at the beginning of my caregiving journey I remember the immense learning curve I experienced. I was a deer in the headlights! Overwhelmed, frightened, confused. I stumbled around until I got my rhythm. I did eventually settle down a bit and began to get used to my “new normal”.
Caregiving was so scary in the beginning.
I discovered a lot about myself, my parents and caregiving. I want to share some of those discoveries with you especially if you are just beginning your caregiving journey, in the hope that I may save you some worry and heartache.
1. Just start
Showing up is 80% of the battle. It’s really all we can ever do, but especially in the beginning. Hesitating or worrying about what you don’t know will only make you crazy. Just get in there and show up and you will figure it out. You will be trying to hit a moving target anyway and all any of us can ever do is be present for what the day brings. If you show up, time will bring the experience you need.
2. There’s no right or wrong way to be a caregiver
Trying to be perfect or follow someone else’s plan or journey is the worst thing you can possibly do. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to be a caregiver. People with experience may offer you valuable advice if you ask for it but remember it’s just their opinion and reflects their journey. We are all different. How you manage and navigate your life and the lives of those you care for as you do the best you can is completely up to you.
3. Don’t try to do it all at once.
When I first began taking care of Mom and Dad, I jumped in so quick. I tried to take over everything in their lives and there was so much going on it was overwhelming. There was no way I could tackle it all at once and I got caught up in a vicious cycle of chasing my own tail. I became completely burnt out because I tried to do too much. Just take it one task at a time. Take small bites and try to prioritize. Trust me, it all gets done.
4. Embrace self-awareness
Be really really aware of what you are feeling on a daily basis. Take your emotional temperature daily. Watch how you are reacting and behaving. Listen to and watch yourself constantly. Be aware of what you are feeling and going through and how you are responding to people places and things around you. This will allow you to change anything that’s not working, and get support and help when you need it. Self-awareness is one of the greatest tools a caregiver can have in their toolbox.
5. Build a team
Surround yourself with good people. Find trustworthy family, friends, and professionals who have your best interests and those you care for at heart. Tell them you will be needing help and companionship even though you are not sure yet what you need or when you will need it. Ask if you can call them just to talk and if they say yes do it! If they offer time and help say yes! It takes a village to care for someone so organize one and let them help you!
6. Be good to yourself
Perhaps the most important thing you can be good and kind to yourself. You have taken on a role that will change your life. Caregiving is one of the most challenging yet rewarding jobs you will ever have. There will be miracles and crisis. You will experience an intense and difficult journey but you will shine. Know that by giving service to others, the universe gives you your own set of angel wings. They come with the stipulation that you have to care for yourself as much as you care for others.
This journey will change your life!
I encourage all new Caregiver Warriors to greet the caregiving journey as the chance of a lifetime. It will afford you gifts and a sense of peace nowhere else to be found. It will not be an easy journey but it just may be the best one of your life. Let it bring out the best in you as I’m sure you will bring out the best in others! Much love to you!
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